I don’t use bad words in posts.
|my sorry attempt at Supta-Kurmasana|
And, I know, I’m breaking bad, I’m tearing down my own previously decorated rule of never using ‘bad’ words.
But the first thing I read in the morning was a Tweet from Louis C. K., who IS the yogi with my utmost respect these days: “That shit is foul” he tweeted.
Sometimes (often) my life is not “consistent” with what is supposed to be the yoga ideal.
Here are 14(?) things that happen to you when you’ve been onto yoga for a long time:
– Peace has the sound “pee” in it. “Peace”sounds too funny for a chant!
So you use the word “shanti” more than its English counter-part. And you read somewhere that the “ahh” sound in shaaanti, is the first sound of creation, as in aaa-u-m. MMmmm, now you feel so erudite.
– You really, REALLY, want to experience the union in yoga. You are not just you butt, but also that tree, the parking lot, the forest.
And you pray to merge your little bubble-of-water-and-salt, into the ocean.
– Then you sit in silence for a while and it just ain’t feeling so. You read stories from those who experienced kundalini, they sprout in your mind, and you envy them. I get JEALOUS of Buddha. What Th…?
– And then you read some enlightened person who tells you it only happens by ‘grace’, you unworthy piece of shit, and you say: Fuck!, but you say it only to yourself, cause if out loud, it violates saucha. Cleanliness, my dear! Cleanliness, for god’s sake. I want to cry.
– And you are waaay pass the point where you wanna police people on their yoga. You know how it goes: my yoga is better than yours, oorrrr, you don’t know shit, so shut up, and the like.
You start to not give a shit. What they do. Who they studied with. Well, sometimes I still feel competitive. I have to own that also.
You have your own unique way of doing things.
– Your practice is now YOUR OWN. It’s my own now, bitch!
– I find this very liberating. Having my own shit.
– I’ve given myself a break, because all that pushing to get to 3rd or 17th series, to start pranayama, to quiet the senses, to start meditation, to reach liberation, while looking fabulous – it’s not working for me.
– And meditation has become ‘just sitting in silence’ for me. For one hour a day. No pressures. No doing. No lotus. Nut-n.
– Because, let’s face it, when Pattabhi Jois said “meditation = mad-attention” he was speaking to one person in particular, not the whole-wide-web, and that does not give me the excuse to never sit in silence. I can sit and do whatever I want.
– So I just sit in silence. Every day. One hour. Nothing to do, or strive for, and no religion, too.
And you know what the funny part is?
It’s in the sitting in silence, that I find the need to do some of those yoga breathing techniques I learned throughout the years, not the other way around.
It’s in the sitting in silence, that I notice that what I ate does not agree with my body. Not the other way around.
It’s in the sitting in silence, that I see how the deep back bends help me maintain the pose. Not the other way around.
James read this and said: “this is some tight shit”.