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I GIVE UP: MEDITATION. YOGA. PRANAYAMA. EVERYTHING I’VE EVER LEARNED.

This morning I wrote: “yoga stretching is a bitch!” 

WHAT!?

I don’t use bad words in posts. 

But supta-kurmasana is a bitch! I can’t help it.


my sorry attempt at Supta-Kurmasana

And, I know, I’m breaking bad, I’m tearing down my own previously decorated rule of never using ‘bad’ words.

But the first thing I read in the morning was a Tweet from Louis C. K., who IS the yogi with my utmost respect these days: “That shit is foul” he tweeted.

Sometimes (often) my life is not “consistent” with what is supposed to be the yoga ideal.

Here are 14(?) things that happen to you when you’ve been onto yoga for a long time:

– Peace has the sound “pee” in it. “Peace”sounds too funny for a chant!

So you use the word “shanti” more than its English counter-part. And you read somewhere that the “ahh” sound in shaaanti, is the first sound of creation, as in aaa-u-m. MMmmm, now you feel so erudite.

– You really, REALLY, want to experience the union in yoga. You are not just you butt, but also that tree, the parking lot, the forest.

And you pray to merge your little bubble-of-water-and-salt, into the ocean.

– Then you sit in silence for a while and it just ain’t feeling so. You read stories from those who experienced kundalini, they sprout in your mind, and you envy them. I get JEALOUS of Buddha. What Th…?

– And then you read some enlightened person who tells you it only happens by ‘grace’, you unworthy piece of shit, and you say: Fuck!, but you say it only to yourself, cause if out loud, it violates saucha. Cleanliness, my dear! Cleanliness, for god’s sake. I want to cry.

– And you are waaay pass the point where you wanna police people on their yoga. You know how it goes: my yoga is better than yours, oorrrr, you don’t know shit, so shut up, and the like.

You start to not give a shit. What they do. Who they studied with. Well, sometimes I still feel competitive. I have to own that also.

You have your own unique way of doing things.

– Your practice is now YOUR OWN.   It’s my own now, bitch! 

Please?

– I find this very liberating. Having my own shit.

– I’ve given myself a break, because all that pushing to get to 3rd or 17th series, to start pranayama, to quiet the senses, to start meditation, to reach liberation, while looking fabulous – it’s not working for me.

I’m exhausted.

– And meditation has become ‘just sitting in silence’ for me. For one hour a day. No pressures. No doing. No lotus.  Nut-n.

– Because, let’s face it, when Pattabhi Jois said “meditation = mad-attention” he was speaking to one person in particular, not the whole-wide-web, and that does not give me the excuse to never sit in silence. I can sit and do whatever I want.

– So I just sit in silence. Every day. One hour. Nothing to do, or strive for, and no religion, too.

And you know what the funny part is?

It’s in the sitting in silence, that I find the need to do some of those yoga breathing techniques I learned throughout the years, not the other way around.

It’s in the sitting in silence, that I notice that what I ate does not agree with my body. Not the other way around.

It’s in the sitting in silence, that I see how the deep back bends help me maintain the pose. Not the other way around.

James read this and said: “this is some tight shit”.

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8 Responses to I GIVE UP: MEDITATION. YOGA. PRANAYAMA. EVERYTHING I’VE EVER LEARNED.

  1. Claudia October 9, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

    I heartily approve 🙂

  2. Claudia October 10, 2013 at 4:28 am #

    I love this. Some of my most profound lessons have been learned when I stopped trying to learn. Then, it all makes sense. And thank you for ruining the word pee-ce for me. Apparently I hadn't gotten to the top of that mountain yet. But you more than made up for it by saying "LouisCK" and the "f" word in a yoga post. All is forgiven…Namaste (you can address that word in

  3. Claudia October 10, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Had a feeling you would 🙂 xo

  4. Claudia October 10, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    yeah, Loui CK rules! 🙂

  5. Claudia October 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    Indeed. I made my kids watch him, or one other comedian for homework. It was tough… But I managed to put together a collection without the F word. School friendly.

  6. Claudia October 11, 2013 at 10:41 am #

    ha ha! Predictable right? I don't know if you were at Pure the day I wore my FUCK YOGA t-shirt to class. Michael almost fell over laughing.

  7. Claudia October 12, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

    Thank you Mark 🙂

  8. Claudia October 14, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    Supta kurmasana is a bitch, indeed. 🙂