I spoke up and clearly requested that I wanted to go to the airport, it was fine to pick food and the co-driver but that there would not be any further stops. It felt good to state my needs, I was after all a paying customer.
Just as we finished that conversation I noticed a big billboard, right at the exit of Mysore which says: “God’s Speed”. I don’t know what exactly the billboard is about, all I noticed were those words. God’s speed. I thought, yes, not my speed by his. Even though I was not terribly upset or anything, I was just being clear on my boundaries, the sign reassured me that all was good. It was OK, I was in the hands of a higher energy, I could surrender to my trip back home.
The driver reassured me that I would be at the airport in time and there would be no more stops. From then on the trip was smooth.
As I return home, four suitcases lay on the floor (right after arriving from Mysore we went to Orlando and Miami for James’ talks), four extra carry on bags with computers, I-pads, wires, phones, snacks, now old plane tickets, tissues, a half empty bottle of water. There is so much laundry to do and fold that it would scare the most laborious of laundry masters, and all I can do is look at a broken desk I know has to be completely pulled apart and recycled and I almost break down.
It is too much. I want it done all at once. I want life to be organized, I can’t live like this. And then, I remember the sign again…
And so I settle for morning pages before anything, first thing in the morning, and they work like charm. There is something about the speed of writing by hand that allows me to find the right word, the most beautiful expression of my stream of consciousness, the most pressing of the anxieties vibrating at the moment.
|Morning Pages, Julia Cameron’s delicious gift|
As the anxiety is painted on the page a clear picture of priorities emerges. I trust that if I have an ordered list of things then I can work one by one, little by little, at God’s speed, and trust that things will get done, including the major spring cleaning we have been planning for a while, as well a as a few doctor’s visits, car maintenance visits etc. etc.
|Spring cleaning in process, donations ready to go. Out with the things
we don’t’ use and which hopefully can help others!
The morning pages also highlight that my creativity and life force are both highly combined and attached to the daily practice of ashtanga yoga. That is the number one priority. No practice nothing comes!
And so in spite of the apparent infinite list of to do’s the first thing of the list is always “love myself”, followed by “practice”. As the days goes by, and the list gets more and more crossed, done, items, the focus in the practice is deeper, the renewed desire to be with the body and with spirit, to find the spirituality in the asana returns. God’s speed.
For more on the morning pages see Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way. A treat.